Everyone is Good for Something. (Even a Bad Example!)

Unfortunately, I had a number of bad habits. One of which was an ability to deliver a less than necessary comment that may very well have hurt someone on the floor. Some comments were cutting and I am ashamed to admit some comments were meant to place me in a favorable light while potentially hurting someone else.

Whipping boy/girl used to be a term to describe someone who was often the subject of verbal criticism. I have a number of regrets as a coach. I never tried to place a player in a bad light in public. Nor did I knowingly have a player I would describe as a whipping boy. Now I am done trying to rationalize some of my regretful behavior. I remember berating a player in a practice session because he did not make much of an effort in a weight room session. That night I received a phone call from an angry mom and you know I deserved her wrath. I ended up apologizing to the player in question in from of the entire team. I wish I could say in all honesty that I learned from this mistake and it never happened again. But that would be lying.

A number of years later I made the comment on the practice floor after this player had made several mental errors. My comment was ... "Everyone is good for something even a bad example." It was an unecessary and insensititve comment. The player who the comment was directed at was a player who had very little basketball skill. He was a quiet young man who lacked confiidence. Because of his lack of confidence he was often unsure and unagressive, which of course, contributed to more errors on the practice floor.

Research seems to strongly support the belief that vulnerable young people need at least a 5 to 1 ratio of positive comments compared to negative comments. As a teacher/coach we do need to correct our students behaviors at times. The intent and our approach to correction can be encouragin and positive or they also can be negative and destructive. There are a number of regrets I have after many years of coaching and teaching. At times, I wish I had a "delete" button on my mouth!! Its just like composing an email and after you hit the send

button you are fillled with regret.

I would hope I have reaffirmed the vast majority of my students over the years. Even today, the negative comments which may have hurt others haunt me. Coaches have so much potential to inspire and motivate, but with that responsibility, we can also tear down and wound. Be careful what you say.

"Everyone (even a coach) can be good for something even a bad example!